Raw Results and Thoughts: SummerSlam and Hogan’s Birthday….for $9.99!

Here are the results for the 8/11/14 edition of Monday Night Raw

Raw opens not with birthday boy Hulk Hogan but with “The Beast Incarnate” Brock Lesnar. Heyman tells the crowd that if he has to explain the beating John Cena will receive they miss the point. Bad things happen to people who step in the ring with Lesnar. Of course Heyman uses the fact that Lesnar broke Undertaker’s Streak at WrestleMania. Heyman than sells the fact that when Brock debuted on the scene he basically ran through greats like The Rock and Hogan. “If you’re a fan of John Cena you’re not going to want to miss SummerSlam.” Apparently the last Cena/Lesnar encounter had Brock at 50%, due to ailments which halted his UFC career. Heyman then spits a couple bars and I’ve got to say, it was pretty damn impressive. He then proclaims that this is Brock’s house. I don’t think you are going to find someone who is going to disagree with him.

When Raw returns from break Roman Reigns makes his way down to the ring for his match against Kane….Corporate Kane that is. Kane states he is once again Director of Operations for The Authority. He says The Authority would like to see what Roman can do against two men. Out come RybAxel for a handicapped match.

Roman Reigns vs. RybAxel

Match Notes: I thought it was an okay match. A DQ finish makes sense and a beatdown of RybAxel makes Reigns look strong going into his match vs. Randy Orton at SummerSlam. Renee Young asks Roman how is he feeling going into his match. The Portland crowd sure does think he is ready. He says he never stole anything from Orton but this Sunday he is taking everything. “What’s a viper when you knock it’s teeth down it’s throat? A worthless little worm.”

Backstage Orton is venting his frustrations to Kane and he says at SummeSlam he will end Roman Reigns. Kane informs Orton The Authority has decided to put him in a match against Sheamus. It’s what’s best for business.

Back to the ring…

RVD vs. Seth Rollins

Match Notes: Great showing tonight, especially from RVD. Everything is fast paced which is what you would expect from these two. Before the break RVD attempts his apron to barricade spunk kick but crashes and burns. The crowd really behind RVD. Rollins hits the curbstomp to pick up the win.

While celebrating on the apron a paranoid Rollins is attacked by his opponent this Sunday Dean Ambrose. The brawl around the ring but Seth escapes. Dean does an obvious shill job for the WWE Network. Then oddly the alternate theme for the Divas gets played. Kinda funny.

Back from break with Stephanie McMahon coming down to the ring for an apparent confession. Apparently Stephanie has some information she needs to reveal. Apparently Daniel Bryan’s physical therapist has something to say. The shy somewhat nervous therapist Megan says Daniel and Brie are good people. She says she has been working hard to help Daniel get back in the ring. She says she can no longer be his physical therapist because she has been having an affair with Daniel Bryan. Out comes Daniel Bryan’s wife Brie Bella and after a couple of insults the two ladies brawl. Brie locks in the Yes Lock and the crowd goes nuts. Officials separate the ladies and Steph says they finish this tonight.

Segment Notes: The entire affair thing is so stupid. Like, insanely dumb. No one would believe a straight laced guy like Daniel would have an affair not even on a kayfabe level. Way tocrap the bed and ruin what could have been a great segment with Stephanie in the Yes Lock.

Jack Swagger vs. Cesaro

Match Notes: This is a great wrestling heavy sort of throwback wrestling match. It is also interesting to see former tag partners have a match. If you are a fan of solid technical wrestling then you will enjoy this one. As far as the crowd some were into it some were not which is to be expected. Cesaro does a good job of targeting Swagger’s ribs with some great spots to the outside. By the time we return from break the entire crowd has flipped as is now into this match. Cesaro is focusing hard on Swagger’s ribs which is genius. After some back and forth exchanges Swagger counters Cesaro and makes him tap to the Patriot Lock.

Post Match: Zeb says this Sunday Swagger will defeat Rusev and deport him and Lana back to Russia. Before they could finish their “We The People” catchphrase they are interrupted by the explosion of the Russian flag and Rusev.

Bray Wyatt and Chris Jericho Sit Down Interview

Bray Wyatt is a mad genius, plain and simple.

AJ Lee vs. Eva Marie

Thank Macho Man Paige came out a minute into this sure debacle. A skipping Paige distracts AJ enough for the grappler known as Eva Marie gets a rollup win. Post match Paige recites a poem about how she will once again be Divas Champion at SummerSlam. When Paige exits AJ discovers Eva Marie on the floor ringside. Why was she laying there in the first place? Is there no hope for this woman? She caught a beat down.

Back from break with the newly colored John Cena! No really, we get it, he is the new Hogan. Cena makes a very daring proclamation by saying this Sunday Brock Lesnar will not win. He says one day he will undoubtedly lose the WWE Championship, but not this Sunday. Cena says Brock is arrogant and he has an idiotic view of this business undeserving of the WWE Championship. Cena once again plays up the fact that the crowd is 50/50 split on him. However tonight is practically all anti-Cena. He acknowledges that weekly (I don’t know why) people wonder when we Cena “turn”. He says that this Sunday to defeat a beast, you must become one. He calls out Brock Lesnar by saying there is a stranger in his house. Lesnar does not come out but Cena vows to defeat him Sunday.

Returning from break with Brie Bella coming down to the ring for her match against Stephanie McMahon. Stephanie comes out but she is not dressed to compete. Instead she says that due to Brie’s actions against Daniel Bryan’s former therapist, she is going to be arrested and charged with assault. Brie Bella is handcuffed and we go to break.

 Dolph Ziggler vs. Heath Slater

Match Notes: Heath Slater wins! Okay sure it was a count out because Miz, who was on commentary caused him to leave ringside. But still, Slater wins!

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

Match Notes: Very physical match. That is where Sheamus is at his best. I can’t help but stare at that giant bruise on Sheamus’ left bicep. At one point Orton hits a back body drop and Sheamus lands hard. This is a battle of fists and kicks as each man throws his best and counters back. Sheamus fights his way out of the corner and uses his upper body strength to climb to the top rope. Sheamus attempts a shoulder tackle but Orton counters into an absolute beautiful RKO for the win.

Back from break and all the Superstars and Divas are out on the ramp for Hulk Hogan’s Birthday Celebration!

Final Thoughts: I thought tonight’s edition of Raw was pretty good. Aside from the Brie/Stephanie/Megan The Therapist mind numbing segment I thought every segment and match was solid. An affair angle? Seriously? Way to Dixie Carter it up WWE. I enjoyed Hulk Hogan’s Birthday Celebration although I too am getting slightly annoyed with the constant shilling of the price. Again we get it, you are taking a massive it and you are getting desperate. If there is signs of life for TNA I am sure the WWE Network will survive. If at any point you were a wrestling fan you will get some use out of the Network, that’s no shill brother. I may be in the minority but I am excited for SummerSlam.

What are your thoughts on tonight’s episode of Raw? Thoughts on SummerSlam? Leave a comment below, post on our Facebook, or send us a tweet on Twitter!

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